Identity

You don’t need ANYONE on this earth to give you identity, God has already done so! You need yourself to understand who you are and go live the life that was given to you!

A few things:

• Envying your “friends” on social media can lead to depression. That way of thinking will eat your mental strength, you will feel stuck #unable #incapable and live a life to think others are better than you! Thus, they will always look bigger, greater, more successful, happier, prettier…(to mention a few).

Doing that 🔝🔝 is called letting others control you!

• The only person you should compare yourself with is with who you was yesterday (I know you’ve heard that before), and the reason is because it is true.

• You’re world is what you make it (you’ve heard that too) but you will not be able to make the world that you’re worth living in until you know what you want.

• Depression can be as debilitating as physical pain and injure from the inside out as physical pain.

• Let things unfold in your life and you will eventually find your purpose. You will not know who you are until you know what you’re worth.

• Build relationships don’t break them. Don’t reach out to others for personal purposes reach out to others with their best interests at heart and your personal purpose will be met.

• Take time to get to love yourself and you will begin to understand yourself more. **************************************

The goal is to live life happy, and finding your true identity, to get mentally strong and enjoy of good health.

Remember to practice mindfulness, make clear a separation between reality and fantasy.

“The way that you see yourself is the way others will see you…how do you see yourself today?”

You are great!

With love,

Denise Kilby

Keep scrolling comment and contact!

#letsconnect

Purify Your Emotions

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Growing up with siblings will make us experts on spotting favoritism. Can you agree? Since we are children we become to sense things, and notice that it should be a balance in life and equality.

Many Americans favorite their bodies over their minds. We practice dental hygiene, we take showers daily, we clothe ourselves accordingly to the weather, but we don’t take enough time investing in our mind, in our psychological and mental health.

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Our emotions are a reflection of our minds. We spend more time taking care of our teeth than our mind. How can it be that we spend more time worrying about our looks, and our outer body then on our inner-self? Why is our physical health so much more important than our psychological and spiritual health?

We sustain psychological injuries even more often than physical ones, such as rejection, failure, or loneliness; and those injuries can also get worse if we ignore them. Thus, impacting our lives and a significant and more drastic way if we continue to ignore them. Although there is Biblical, scientific, psychological things that prove it and techniques to follow — we insist in neglecting our emotions.

When we have a more stable mental, and spiritual health we develop healthier, grater, and more solid relationships. Your mind is not something that you can shake off, it lives within you, is the source of your thoughts, and if you allow it your biggest battle field. As Dr. Guy  Winch, once said on a TEDTalk, (2014)  “You can’t say to a person with depression, oh you’ll be fine just shake it off is all in your head; imagine saying that to a person with a broken leg? oh you’ll be fine just walk it off”? It doesn’t work that way, out physical injuries need care, time and sometimes even therapy to heal and so does our mental and emotional injuries.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your [mind], that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”(Romans 12:2 ESV). You were not created to be fooled by what people said, you were not created to follow the crowd, you were not created to be less, you were not created to neglect yourself. Do not conform yourselves by what this world says, allowed transformation and renew your mind, so you can know what is best for you, what is good and what is bad, and what is the best for you!

There will be the many situation in life that will affect your emotions, that will make you feel sad, depressed, lonely, and even think that there is no hope. Such as separation from your biological family, break ups, divorce, moving to another country, losing your job, among many others. There is hope, there is a truth that awaits for you!

It is important to know how to identify the feelings that will affect your emotional well-being so you can learn how to counteract and attack.

Loneliness: Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and paralyzes us and scrambles our thinking, clouding our reality and making us think that those around us care much less than they actually do, it makes us really afraid to reach out because we begin to think  “why even bother they will reject me and I will end up feeling worse”. Loneliness is merely, purely and subjectively defined by how you feel, on the disconnection that you feel. Loneliness will not only make you miserable, it will kill you. Chronic loneliness increases your chances of an early death by fourteen percent, there is a large research on loneliness and it is all terrifying — loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol, it even suppresses the functioning of your immune system making you more vulnerable to many different diseases, even if compared taken together it decreases your health in the long term as cigarette smoking, with the difference that a pack of cigarettes come with warning. you can’t treat it if you don’t know about it. It makes us sad. We might feel an emptiness. We may be filled with a longing for contact. We feel isolated, distanced from others, deprived. These feelings tear away our emotional well-being. It is important to seek help and practice techniques that help you feel better. “For the sake of His great name the Lord will not reject His people, because the Lord was pleased to make His own” (1Samuel 12:22). You are not alone!

Failure: We all different reactions to failure, our mind can trick us into believing that can’t make it. Are you aware how your mind reacts to failure? Well you need to be, because you need to be able to identify when your mind is playing games on you, and get ready to change your mind-set. That is why many people perform below their full potential, because somewhere along the line they experience failure and became mentally paralyze; sometime a [single] failure convinces people making them believe that they can’t  make it, and they believe it. Once the mind becomes convinced is very hard to believe otherwise, once we believe something is hard to change. It might be normal but you have to fight feelings of helplessness; you have to get up and decide to try again, you have to empower yourself in the truth that rests within your soul and seek out greatness by unleashing who you really are. After all we all believe that we are worth more and deserve better and that is the true reason for our feelings (that is why we get to feel those ways), that’s the truth that lives within you. “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever” (Psalm 73:26 ESV). Even when you fail yourself God is there to guide the way.

Our emotions and our feelings cannot always be trusted not even our opinion and our thoughts.

Rejection: After a rejection we all start thinking (at some point in our lives) of how bad we are, how we’re not good enough and start with the why’s of life. Something we shouldn’t do because we are already emotionally damage, our self-esteem is already hurting, but it happens anyways because we are not aware of our emotions and how to battle them. We don’t know how to purify our self esteem. When our self-esteem is hurt we are more vulnerable about things, our emotions are in the line, we begin to ruminate on this things (to chew over). Not being able to control our emotions, will lead us to feeling lonely and eventually fall into a clinical depression. Even a few minutes of distraction can help you become distracted of the original thought, so every time we start thinking of the pain, the hurt, of what we are (in our vulnerable mental state of mind) and what we are not; we must shift out focus into something else in order to break that cycle. “What then shall we say to this things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”(Romans 8:31 ESV). So stand firm on the rock and don’t allow anything or anyone to affect the way you think and feel.

Purify your emotions, know that there is people who are worse, use their stories to build yourself and help others, connect to the source of life (God), and see how much further you can get.

By taking action when you’re lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, and battling negative thinking;  you’re not only purifying your emotions but building resilience.

Can you imagine a world that looks out for each other, a world full of love and people who take care of themselves, a world that is filled with encouragement, motivation and positive challenges?

“Be the world you want to see, create the world you want to live in— start with your heart and purify your emotions” -Denise Kilby

If you like this post and are interested in more, and how on learning how to crate mental balance connect with me. You can email, text, or call & you can also follow me on Instagram and Facebook (page is still in progress). Don’t hold back, lets build this world!

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Can Narcissists Change?

By Dr. Craig Malkin

At the end of May 2013, I wrote an article titled “5 Early Warning Signs You’re With a Narcissist.” It sparked a number of rich conversations through comments, emails, Facebook and Twitter. Not surprisingly, the vast majority of reactions came from people who feared they were currently in a relationship with a narcissist. Nevertheless, some of them — often among the most heartfelt and desperate of messages — came from people who’d either been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), or felt convinced they met criteria for the diagnosis. From both sides, the same question surfaced again and again: Is there hope for those with NPD and the people who love them? Is there anything we can do if we see early warning signs or actual diagnostic criteria besides end the relationship?

As simple as they might seem on the surface, questions like these resonate with some of the deepest concerns in psychology. Can we change our personalities? More to the point, can people who meet criteria for personality disorders open themselves up to new and better experiences in relationships and in the world?

I’m going to go on record as saying, yes, I do believe it’s possible for people to change, even if they’ve been diagnosed with something as deeply entrenched and formidable as a personality disorder.

Trait labels like narcissist, or the admittedly less stigmatizing ones like extrovert and introvert, merely provide a shorthand description. They’re a stand-in for “this person scored high on a trait measure of narcissism or extroversion or introversion.” They can never hope to capture the whole person. (Bear in mind that even Jung, who introduced the latter concepts, firmly believed we all possess both an introvert and an extrovert side, regardless of how much we tend to one side or the other.) Nevertheless, when they become diagnostic labels, like “narcissist” or “Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” these stark descriptions imply something that goes far beyond a tendency or a style — they suggest permanence and a set of stable enduring features.

I have more hope than this. I believe that rather than simply being “who we are,” our personalities are also patterns of interaction. That is, personality, whether disordered or not, has as much to do with how (and with whom) we interact as it does with our genes and wired-in temperament. So what pattern does the narcissist follow?

Many have suggested that NPD emerges from an environment in which vulnerability comes to feel dangerous, representing, at worst, either a grave defect, or at best, a stubborn barrier to becoming a worthwhile human being — that’s simplifying a great deal of research and theory, but it’s a workable summary — hence the correlation between NPD and insecure attachment styles, in which fears of depending on anyone at all engender constant attempts to control the relationship or avoid intimacy altogether. If you devote yourself to directing interactions or holding people at arms length, it’s a lot harder to become vulnerable (needless to say, the “safety” is largely an illusion). People with NPD have learned to ignore, suppress, deny, project and disavow their vulnerabilities (or at least try) in their attempts to shape and reshape “who they are” in their interactions. Change — allowing the vulnerability back in — means opening up to the very feelings they’ve learned to avoid at all costs. It’s not that people with NPD can’t change, it’s that it often threatens their sense of personhood to try. And their failed relationships often confirm, in their minds, that narcissism is the safest way to live.

Put another way, narcissists can’t be narcissistic in a vacuum. They need the right audience in order to feel like a star, for example, so they often cultivate relationships with people who stick around for the show, instead of the person. Over time, as their perfect façade starts to slip, their constant fear that people will find them lacking becomes a horrifying reality. The very people who stuck around for the show lose interest when it ends — which merely convinces the narcissist they need to hide their flaws and put on a better show.

Alternatively, even when they fall for someone who could be more than just an adoring fan — someone who offers the hope of a more authentic, enduring love — narcissists still live with the paralyzing fear they’ll somehow be deemed unworthy. Their terror is frequently out of awareness, and nearly always managed with bravado and blame, but it’s profound and palpable. Sadly, their anger at having their mistakes and missteps exposed ultimately alienates their loved ones, and the demise of yet another relationship prompts them to redouble their efforts to avoid vulnerability — in short, it pushes them towards more narcissism. The sad irony of the narcissistic condition is that, in an effort to protect themselves, narcissists inevitably invite the very rejection and abandonment they fear in the first place.

The key then, to interacting with someone you suspect is narcissistic, is to break the vicious circle — to gently thwart their frantic efforts to control, distance, defend or blame in the relationship by sending the message that you’re more than willing to connect with them, but not on these terms — to invite them into a version of intimacy where they can be loved and admired, warts and all — if they only allow the experience to happen.

As a therapist, I’ve seen firsthand that changing relational patterns often transforms even the most inflexible “trait” into something softer, gentler — not a fixed feature, but a protection that eventually yields to touch and intimacy in all the ways one would hope. Narcissism is a way of relating. Not everyone can shift into a more flexible form of intimacy, but some can, and in the next post, I plan to share steps you can take to help you decide whether or not the person you’re with is capable of seeing themselves — and you — through a less-constricting lens than the narcissistic worldview.

If you like my posts, let me know! Let’s connect on facebook and twitter. I frequently respond to comments and questions there. And feel free to check out www.drcraigmalkin.com for more tips and advice, as well as information on my book in progress.

For more by Dr. Craig Malkin, click here.

For more on emotional intelligence, click here.

Originally posted by the huffpost.com (2013)

Enjoy, and let’s connect email me, call me or TEXT me

With Love,

Denise Kilby

It’s Time to Grow

When you are able to understand and control your inner self you begin to see the world in a different way. Things might not always make sense, but you can rest on the peace of knowing that everything happens for a reason, there’s a purpose for everything and if you’re alive reading this right now – there’s purpose in your life.

Allow spiritual growth in your life and reconnect with your soul, seek what’s deeper within. That one thing that no one can see but yourself and God, try to let the fears go, embrace positivity and reject anything or anyone that could possibly hinder that connection.

You’re entitled to be happy, seek true happiness. Start growing mentally, as you begin to understand yourself, and challenge those thoughts that are trying to keep you small.

“You are the way you see people, how do you see me today?” Denise

Do you look at people with kindness and compassion trying to highlight the good things about them, or are you looking for flaws and reasons to put other’s downs?

You’re still on time to change your opinion and forgive yourself. I have changed, you can change!

Find people that can help you grow and understand what you’re fully capable and able of doing in life, but don’t forget to start looking within yourself.

There’s always going to be someone to look up to and learn from 💕

Commit to yourself first and don’t forget the mission! #motivate #earlybird #Friday

I am here to serve,

Denise Kilby

Ps. Let’s connect, comment, ask, email, text, or call.